The Peanut Tracker

We spent last weekend with our good friends, the Crawfords, who came out from Houston to relax near the Riverwalk in downtown San Antonio. It was great to be with them! See their blog post here, which includes several photos.

-T

I took this picture a few days ago and I thought I would share it with you all. I just love this picture of my two favorite men: my Husband (love of my life, best friend, confidant, partner in life, my favorite person in the whole world, God’s perfect gift) and my son (my little boy, second love of my life, blessing, joy, God’s perfect gift, and so much more that I have no words for).

Elliot is so very blessed to have such a wonderful daddy (the best daddy ever!). I am so very blessed to have the best husband in the world. I could not have survived these last two weeks without his love, support and strength… as well as all of the baby duties he has taken on. I thank God every day for these two.

Tania

I am 39 weeks! Wow! I can’t believe the end is already here! It seems like just yesterday and then again it seems like a lifetime ago that we first found out I was pregnant.

It started out rough and was rough for most of my pregnancy but now I feel great…I have felt great for the last two months. I feel so comfortable that the thought of laboring in labor does not appeal to me. I just don’t want this state of comfort to end. I think being really uncomfortable might’ve actually been helpful at this time because then I would be in a hurry to have Elliot come out. My only two reasons for wanting labor to begin is: (1) I want to finally meet Elliot, and (2) I do not want to be induced. I will do all that I know to do to help labor begin and then I guess it’s up to God.

If I have to be induced at least I am thankful we have the health care provider we have. We have heard nothing but praise reports from everyone that has delivered their baby there, from the Lamaze teacher to friends. I have also been so pleased with everyone and everything there. I love my doctor (although she probably won’t deliver Elliot unless I’m induced) and am so thankful for her. She has been so great and so reassuring to both Tobias and I.

We were able to take a tour of the labor and delivery and recovery sections and everyone seemed very kind, helpful and at ease. It’s reassuring to know that everything and everyone I might possibly need is right there in one place at all times.

I am so thankful to everyone. You have all been so supportive. ‘Til next time!

Tania

WOW! Elliot’s birth is just around the corner! I can’t believe that it is already that time. This pregnancy felt like it would never end, but here I am at close to 37 weeks, preparing for my hospital stay (i.e. packing my hospital bag, Elliot’s coming home clothes, and our snack bag).

I feel Elliot moving all the time, I’ve seen him in a 3-D ultrasound, and Tobias and I have gone to the Lamaze and new parenting classes, yet it all still feels so unreal. Do we really have a son that we are going to meet in a few weeks? Are we really going to be parents? Am I really going to be a mom? Are we finally going to meet this little person that has been growing inside of me? It’s all too much to take in emotionally, but I know as soon as he is born and we bring him home it will all hit me.

We are really excited and can’t wait for him to meet all of our friends and family!  We hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and we wish you all a Happy New Year!

Tania

I recently read an article at BabyCenter.com that examined seven fears commonly experienced by expectant fathers. And interestingly, with the exception of the “paternity fear” (#3), I found these to be pretty accurate for me. Might be worth thinking on if you’re a dude. Or, if you’re not a dude, maybe it’ll help you understand the dude you’re married to.

Here are the seven fears from the article, including my probably overly concise description of each (see the article for the detailed version), and two of my cents (’cause, y’know, I’ve got at least like, oh, 3 or 4 cents):

1. Security fears
   - “Will I be able to protect and provide for my family?”
   - Heck, we live in an expensive area, and we’re a single income family. While I think we’re blessed to be able to live that way in this area, I feel the pressure too. And that’s just the financial aspect; there’s plenty of other things I don’t remotely have figured out, and I’m supposed to be guiding my boy in this world? (See the last half of this mini-column I wrote several months ago.)
2. Performance fears
   - Apparently most guys aren’t very confident that they’ll be strong enough for their wives during labor. Y’know, like am I gonna faint? barf? be useless? Etc. Turns out, according to the author’s interviewing of six hundred men, only one guy ended up fainting.
   - I suppose I sometimes worry that I won’t stay calm enough when labor starts, that I won’t make quick enough decisions, or that I won’t be rock-solid like I think Tania needs. But it’s actually only a minor worry for me. Planning ahead helps too. I know me; I’ll have like nine back-up plans for everything.
3. Paternity fears
   - This one’s interesting. Evidently, roughly half of all of expectant fathers feel a fear that they’re not the real father. But they also don’t feel at all like their wife cheated. So it’s this logically disconnected emotional thing that often has nothing to do with the wife’s character, but it’s a real enough fear for some guys.
   - I haven’t experienced this. Partly, this must be because Tania’s character is stinkin’ superb. But other than that, I’m just glad I don’t feel this.
4. Mortality fears
   - You’ve got responsibility now. You’ve got a helpless little baby who needs you. One expectant father, a race car driver, said it this way: “I don’t have the right to die anymore.”
   - I feel this one. Y’know, ’cause it gets pretty dicey in the office building sometimes! One wrong keystroke and it’s over… But seriously, I can’t leave my wife and boy right now. She needs me as a husband more than ever, and he needs a dad.
5. Fear for your spouse’s or child’s health
   - Pregnancy and child-birth involve risk. Sure, it’s been going on for thousands of years (at least), but bad things happen. Like Theoden said, “No parent should have to bury their child.”
   - This is a big one for me. We do just about everything a couple can do to have a healthy pregnancy, but life’s no guarantee. I worry about Tania every time I hear an odd noise in the other room. Did she fall? Is she sick again? I worry about Elliot every time a doctor doesn’t say the words or make the expression I expect. But, I try to just keep a line open to the Man upstairs, do everything I can here, and just enjoy life.
6. Relationship fears
   - “Men often fear that their wife will love the baby more than anyone on earth — and exclude them from that intimate relationship. It’s a very real fear of being replaced. In so many households, after the birth Mom becomes the gatekeeper, giving her husband access to the baby only when she sees fit.”
   - Part of this I can relate to. Heck, c’mon, let’s be honest here. When you’re married with no kids, you get to do more or less whatever you want together. You’re used to coming home and having your wife’s attention; you’re #1. But soon Elliot’s going to need his Mom–a lot. So it’s more a selfish fear than anything else; I won’t have Tania all to myself anymore.
7. Fears of “women’s medicine”
   - Ok, have you been to an Ob/Gyn hospital area? Yeah, not exactly the first place a guy wants to hang out.
   - Geez. Women have to go through a lot of stuff at the hospital. Also, most guys don’t know jack about women’s medical stuff or the reproductive system. But when you find out there’s a bun in the oven, you get to learn (and see) it all. Hooray. But it’s not just that. From what I’m seeing of hospitals and the medical system, it really doesn’t seem like dads are seen as “equal partners” during the pregnancy process. Sometimes I feel like I’m being “allowed” to participate. But we make sure I’m not excluded from any decision or part of the process. Our hospital is actually fairly good about this, too. But I still can’t shake the feeling. Maybe it’s our culture. Maybe the system has been shaped, at least in part, by the unfortunate reality that there’s so many mom’s having to go it alone as a parent. I dunno, there’s a lot to think about there…

Interesting stuff to ponder, anyway. Know thyself! Otherwise, you can’t change thyself.

-T

P.s. If you’re a guy, all the pastel colors and baby-product ads may cause your American male reflexes to close the browser window, so here’s the printer-friendly version of the article, which is a little less cluttered with unmanliness.

Hi everyone!

I’m just about 28 weeks now and I’m definitely getting much bigger! Recently everyone has been noticing my popped out belly button, even though it’s been out for a while… Maybe it’s just more pronounced now.

I’m feeling much better, although this last week I have had small bouts of nausea, even vomiting, though nothing like before. However, when I’m not feeling sick, which is actually most of the time now, I do feel okay. I wish I could say I feel great, but I don’t think that will happen until after Elliot is born. Only three more months to go!

Soon we’ll get to see Elliot again, and we’re both so excited! I hope he stays still long enough for them to get all the measurements. These last few weeks Elliot has been very active–quite a little wiggle worm. I am already seeing his limbs move across my belly… It’s all very wonderful and strange.

Pretty soon we are going to get a 4D ultrasound. I can’t wait! They say by that time he will look like he is going to look when he is born, except not quite as chubby.
As soon as we get these pics, we’ll put them up. Goodbye for now!

Tania

This weekend my sister, mom, and really good childhood friend threw Elliot, Tobias and myself a baby shower! Elliot and I had a wonderful time! It was so good getting to see and spend a little time with everyone.

First of all I want to thank my mom, Ingrid, and Kitty: thank you! All of you put so much work into making my shower wonderful and I really appreciate all the time and trouble you went through for me.

Secondly, thank you everyone for coming and making that day so special. I loved seeing all you of you…I wish I could have spent more time with each and every one of you, though.

I can’t wait for Elliot to meet each of you! Once again, thank you so much for sharing this day with me.

Tania

P.s. There will be another baby shower soon, for those closer to where we live. Thank you so much, Kim, for organizing this! We feel very blessed!

I am just about 24 weeks now and I have gotten so much bigger! I really
look pregnant now. It has taken some getting used to–looking
pregnant–but now I am really enjoying it. Elliot has been moving a lot… He
is getting much stronger and bigger.

It has been so wonderful feeling Elliot moving around inside of me. It
is a feeling like no other. With each move and kick and each passing day
I feel like I am getting to know him better and better.

Being able to share this with Tobias is such a blessing. We
actually saw Elliot moving inside of me (pushing up on my stomach). The
first time it was like a scene out of “Aliens”, but the very next move
wasn’t weird anymore–it was so exciting! I cant wait to meet him!

Tania

So we started doing a sort of video diary for Elliot. We don’t have it down to a science or anything, but Tania and I are basically, as often as possible, recording little video clips of ourselves talking to Elliot, telling him what he’s been doing or what’s been going on outside (the tummy) related to his life, or even just talking about random stuff. No preparation, really, no pretenses–just us in the “normal”, talking to him, not just about him. Tonight we recorded him pushing and kicking inside of Tania’s belly–we could actually see it (which is somewhere between incredibly cool and “Alien” [the movie] weird)!

Basically, the idea is that he’ll be able watch, listen to, and know his parents from back when he was still in the womb. He’ll know us that much more, know how much we loved him even way back then. And then, when he’s in his twenties at college and misses us (yeah right), or when he has a family of his own to share with, he can always pop in the video(s) and see his parents. But, mostly, we hope making these videos for Elliot, before we’ve even met him, will help communicate to him how much his parents love him.

-T

P.s. By the way, there’s something very transparent about doing this. I’m sure in twenty years Elliot will laugh his behind off at his parents’ haircuts and clothing. Or maybe that gigantic, six-foot pseudo-beanbag in the living room.

So, we’re pretty sure Elliot’s learned how to do the Peanut Butter Jelly Time dance. We’re not sure how this happened, though we suspect he’s been sneaking out at night. If I catch him, he’s busted!

Or he might be doing the Running Man; it’s hard to tell.

But he’s pretty much having a party in there every night (and days too). Tania and I haven’t received an invitation yet, though… Must be some kind of VIP place.

But seriously folks, Elliot seems to be doing very well, if activity is any indication!

-T